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2003-05-09 20:55:34+00:00 - Five Stages of Mourning ;-) - (Lynn Ditto <jaxmimosaSPAM@netscapeSPAM.net>)


The stages of mourning are universal and are experienced by people from all walks of life. Mourning occurs in response to an individual's own terminal illness or to the death of a valued TV show. There are five stages of normal grief. In our bereavement, we spend different lengths of time working through each step and express each stage more or less intensely. The five stages do not necessarily occur in order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of a series finale. The death of your TV show might inspire you to evaluate your own feelings of mortality. Throughout each stage, a common thread of hope emerges. As long as there is life, there is hope. As long as there is hope, there is life. 1. Denial and Isolation: The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished TV show is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain. 2. Anger: As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying TV show. Rationally, we know the TV show is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent it for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry. 3. Bargaining: The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control. Secretly, we may make a deal with God or Joss Whedon in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality. 4. Depression: Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate. We worry about the fate of the newsgroup. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with the real people in our lives that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our TV show farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug. 5. Acceptance: Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. The end of a TV show may be sudden and unexpected & we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression. Acceptance comes when we become emotionally attached to another TV show without any feelings of bitterness or guilt toward the deceased TV show. ************* Lynn, trying to be helpful to those in pain.... P.S. I went through all those stages with The X-Files!

2003-05-09 20:55:34+00:00 - Five Stages of Mourning ;-) - (Lynn Ditto <jaxmimosaSPAM@netscapeSPAM.net>)


The stages of mourning are universal and are experienced by people from all walks of life. Mourning occurs in response to an individual's own terminal illness or to the death of a valued TV show. There are five stages of normal grief. In our bereavement, we spend different lengths of time working through each step and express each stage more or less intensely. The five stages do not necessarily occur in order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of a series finale. The death of your TV show might inspire you to evaluate your own feelings of mortality. Throughout each stage, a common thread of hope emerges. As long as there is life, there is hope. As long as there is hope, there is life. 1. Denial and Isolation: The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished TV show is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain. 2. Anger: As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying TV show. Rationally, we know the TV show is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent it for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry. 3. Bargaining: The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control. Secretly, we may make a deal with God or Joss Whedon in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality. 4. Depression: Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate. We worry about the fate of the newsgroup. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with the real people in our lives that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our TV show farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug. 5. Acceptance: Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. The end of a TV show may be sudden and unexpected & we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression. Acceptance comes when we become emotionally attached to another TV show without any feelings of bitterness or guilt toward the deceased TV show. ************* Lynn, trying to be helpful to those in pain.... P.S. I went through all those stages with The X-Files!

2003-05-10 03:24:26+00:00 - Re: Five Stages of Mourning ;-) - (Rob Myers <robm@robmyers.removethisspamblocker.net>)


In article <3EBC15E4.9060005@netscapeSPAM.net>, Lynn Ditto <jaxmimosaSPAM@netscapeSPAM.net> wrote: > The stages of mourning are universal and are experienced by people from > all walks of life. Mourning occurs in response to an individual's own > terminal illness or to the death of a valued TV show. There are five > stages of normal grief. Actually, the term is "stages of grief." And I for one think even that is a misnomer. It makes the "stages" into something that seems passive-aggressive, bratty and sulky. But I don't think they are. Even though they were first identified in people coping with an unchangeable hearbreaking event (death) you actually use these strategies all the time. They're noticeable reactions to someone who's grieving because they will run through every possible way of altering things, but can't. They aren't strategies for grieving (or mourning). That's too simplistic. They are hard-wired strategies for altering a bad situation. Let's say you're being threatened by a bear. > 1. Denial and Isolation: Ignore it, since it's probably not real. In most situations this actually works, because people think they are doomed far more often than they actually are. People make mistakes, read situations wrong, panic, whatever. "Oh, wait. Sorry. It's just Larry with more firewood." > 2. Anger: Ok, the bear is real, and you can't just hide from it. Try fighting or fleeing. Either way, you need the adrenaline. > > 3. Bargaining: Damn, can't overpower the thing. Maybe you can outsmart it, or give it something else to eat besides you. > 4. Depression: A normal reaction if you're losing a fight. And if it's not a bear, but instead the problem is a lover who's dumping you, or a boss who's firing you, some sincere tears can often turn the tide in your favor. This is the only tactic babies can muster, but you have to admit it's effective. > 5. Acceptance: It's just the end of fighting whatever it is and putting energy towards something else. You'd only get to this stage if the bear isn't actually eating you, so to speak. And if it's something non-fatal you need to accept it eventually or you're no good to yourself. Most emergency situations in life can be defeated by one or a combination of these strategies. That's why they're so hard-wired into our brains. It's a system that worked very well for our ancestors. -- rob m at rob myers dot net

2003-05-10 03:24:26+00:00 - Re: Five Stages of Mourning ;-) - (Rob Myers <robm@robmyers.removethisspamblocker.net>)


In article <3EBC15E4.9060005@netscapeSPAM.net>, Lynn Ditto <jaxmimosaSPAM@netscapeSPAM.net> wrote: > The stages of mourning are universal and are experienced by people from > all walks of life. Mourning occurs in response to an individual's own > terminal illness or to the death of a valued TV show. There are five > stages of normal grief. Actually, the term is "stages of grief." And I for one think even that is a misnomer. It makes the "stages" into something that seems passive-aggressive, bratty and sulky. But I don't think they are. Even though they were first identified in people coping with an unchangeable hearbreaking event (death) you actually use these strategies all the time. They're noticeable reactions to someone who's grieving because they will run through every possible way of altering things, but can't. They aren't strategies for grieving (or mourning). That's too simplistic. They are hard-wired strategies for altering a bad situation. Let's say you're being threatened by a bear. > 1. Denial and Isolation: Ignore it, since it's probably not real. In most situations this actually works, because people think they are doomed far more often than they actually are. People make mistakes, read situations wrong, panic, whatever. "Oh, wait. Sorry. It's just Larry with more firewood." > 2. Anger: Ok, the bear is real, and you can't just hide from it. Try fighting or fleeing. Either way, you need the adrenaline. > > 3. Bargaining: Damn, can't overpower the thing. Maybe you can outsmart it, or give it something else to eat besides you. > 4. Depression: A normal reaction if you're losing a fight. And if it's not a bear, but instead the problem is a lover who's dumping you, or a boss who's firing you, some sincere tears can often turn the tide in your favor. This is the only tactic babies can muster, but you have to admit it's effective. > 5. Acceptance: It's just the end of fighting whatever it is and putting energy towards something else. You'd only get to this stage if the bear isn't actually eating you, so to speak. And if it's something non-fatal you need to accept it eventually or you're no good to yourself. Most emergency situations in life can be defeated by one or a combination of these strategies. That's why they're so hard-wired into our brains. It's a system that worked very well for our ancestors. -- rob m at rob myers dot net

2003-05-10 16:42:24+00:00 - Re: Five Stages of Mourning ;-) - (Judelon Ingram <nospam@please.com>)


This is exactly how I feel about Firefly, with which I shared a whirlwind romance, cut tragically short by my show's violent death in a distant land. That's right, I'm a war widow. Judelon Ingram

2003-05-10 16:42:24+00:00 - Re: Five Stages of Mourning ;-) - (Judelon Ingram <nospam@please.com>)


This is exactly how I feel about Firefly, with which I shared a whirlwind romance, cut tragically short by my show's violent death in a distant land. That's right, I'm a war widow. Judelon Ingram