FLM films - My Webpage

1998-06-21 00:00:00 - OT - for Paleoanth - (clbcrb@aol.com)


Domino goes off topic....again Stolen from a friend of mine on the Nikita list. Thought our resident scientists would enjoy it. <gargantuan snipola> Since it's so quiet tonite on the list, here's a kind of long-winded funny, but worth the time it takes to read it, I think! The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, RI named Scott Williams who digs things out of his back yard and sends the stuff to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archaeological finds. This guy really exists and does this in his spare time! Anyway . . . here���s the actual response from the Smithsonian. *********************** Smithsonian Institute 207 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20078 Dear Mr. Williams: Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled ���93211-D, layer seven, next to the closeline post...Hominid Skull.��� We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be ���Malibu Barbie.��� It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin: 1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone. 2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids. 3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that: A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on. B. Clams don���t have teeth. It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon-dating���s notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn���t really sound like it might be Latin. However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institute, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your Newport back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation���s capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous metal in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench. Yours in Science, Harvey Rowe Chief Curator-Antiquities <end snip> Thanks Lillea !

1998-06-21 00:00:00 - Re: OT - for Paleoanth - (beck92856@aol.com)


That was wonderful!! To keep this on topic for Wickie - I wonder if they'll market M & N dolls? Now that would be an archeological find! Gudrun, searching for her old Barbie

1998-06-25 00:00:00 - Re: OT - for Paleoanth - (cahobbies@aol.com)


>That was wonderful!! To keep this on topic for Wickie - I wonder if they'll market M & N dolls? Now that would be an archeological find! > >Gudrun, searching for her old Barbie In the spirit of LFN - no "dolls" - make that "action figures" LOL Worse - I'd be out there buying them!! And "we" would be discussing if they chose the right "outfits" to put on them! Wouldn't want a generic face though - so guess Roy and Peta will have to have "masks" done!!! CA-debbie

1998-06-25 00:00:00 - Re: OT - for Paleoanth - (ELZBURNS <ELZBURNS@Prodigy.Net>)


cahobbies@aol.com (CAhobbies) writes: > >That was wonderful!! To keep this on topic for Wickie - I wonder if they'll > market M & N dolls? Now that would be an archeological find! > > > >Gudrun, searching for her old Barbie > > In the spirit of LFN - no "dolls" - make that "action figures" LOL > Worse - I'd be out there buying them!! And "we" would be discussing if they > chose the right "outfits" to put on them! > Wouldn't want a generic face though - so guess Roy and Peta will have to have Would you believe that Lucky (a Royette) made me a "Michael Doll" and gave it to me when we were at the Onionfest? I think he is a modified Ken doll....She added extra hair..... He looks great! Even has a gun, change of clothes (All black)..... Except he is smiling.... But after Not Was.... I will just say that this doll is the "Not Was Michael"... Came with both boxers and briefs.... I checked.... EZBee, Back from vacation on the back of a Harley.... Missed you guys....

1998-06-25 00:00:00 - Re: OT - for Paleoanth - (writerrita@aol.com)


In article <6mtv7e$2826$1@newssvr04-int.news.prodigy.com>, ELZBURNS <ELZBURNS@Prodigy.Net> writes: > >EZBee, >Back from vacation on the back of a Harley.... >Missed you guys.... > > We missed you, too. Welcome back. Rita

1998-06-25 00:00:00 - Re: OT - for Paleoanth - (Jaida <R@sprintmail.com>)


>EZBee, >Back from vacation on the back of a Harley.... >Missed you guys.... Hey EZ, how was the ride? I'll be doing the same in August (Sturgis bound). Jaida

1998-06-25 00:00:00 - Re: OT - for Paleoanth - (ELZBURNS <ELZBURNS@Prodigy.Net>)


"Jaida" <R@sprintmail.com> writes: > > >EZBee, > >Back from vacation on the back of a Harley.... > >Missed you guys.... > > > Hey EZ, how was the ride? I'll be doing the same in August (Sturgis bound). > > Jaida > > Absolutely wonderful! The company was great, Laconia was beautiful, the bike ride was fabulous! (and the fact that I was riding with a guy that looked like Kevin Costner didn't hurt a bit)..... Heck, I am hooked.... The local radio station is giving away a Harely and I have my phone on redial so I can get my name in the pot..... Even saw a couple of Buils (sp) that looked like Michael's bike.... You said Sturgis? Hmmm..... EZBee, Hoping she can find a bike for someone with VERY short legs.....

1998-06-26 00:00:00 - Re: OT - for Paleoanth - (writerrita@aol.com)


In article <6mubhl$bb2g$1@newssvr04-int.news.prodigy.com>, ELZBURNS <ELZBURNS@Prodigy.Net> writes: > >EZBee, >Hoping she can find a bike for someone with VERY short legs..... > > > EZBee, there are ways around that. Rita

1998-07-06 00:00:00 - Re: OT - for Paleoanth - (paleoanth@aol.com)


I saw this a couple of years ago, and it is one of the funniest things I have ever read!! Thanks so much for thinking of me and sharing this. You gotta love the nuttballs in this world. Paleoanth