1996-03-16 00:00:00 - SLIDISMS (up to GotS) - (ai807@FreeNet.Carleton.CA)
Slidisms SEASON I PILOT Quinn (to Wade): "But that's just it. Why would I kiss *you*?... I mean, we're buds, right? It'd be like incest..." Public Defender: "You're going to... the People's Court!" Judge Wapner: "Don't you know this is the sign of the American underground?" SUMMER OF LOVE FBI: "Are you Conrad Bennish Jr.?" Bennish: "Who wants to know?" FBI: "FBI." Bennish: "Oh... if it's about that (bomb/bong) I just bought... I thought it was a plantholder man, really!"* OldLady: "If South Australia falls, it's just a hop skip and a jump to our shores." Quinn: "Well, we can't have that. Boomerangs and Kangaroos everywhere!? What'll we do?" FBI: "They may be plans for some kind of elaborate pipe bomb." Arturo: "Pipe Bomb!? You blistering idiots! A pipe bomb is child's play compared to this!" PRINCE OF WAILS Wade: "Well, that doesn't mean we have to go empty-handed. After all, you are still the Sherrif." Arturo: "You know Miss Wells... sometimes, you frighten me. (picks up phone) Hello, Front Desk. I would like a car waiting out front for me. I want the trunk filled with the finest cheeses and a copy of every major periodical. And all the cash from your register." Arturo: "And remember... the reason the sun never sets on the British Empire is that God doesn't trust the British in the dark!" (jumps into gate) FEVER Arturo: "Well, it seems we've landed on a world where men don't like to be kissed by pretty young ladies in the street for 2 days..." Rembrandt: "Great, 20 minutes in Richland, 2 days in Psychoworld." Quinn: "No wonder that waitress was staring at me!" Wade: "You ALWAYS think women are staring at you!" Rembrandt: "You really like driving cabs, don't ya pal?" Russian Cabbie: "Yes. It is my destiny." Rembrandt: "You don't know the half of it." Arturo: "Did you tell her about the cannibals?" Quinn: "No.. I didn't want to worry her..." (drums stop) Rembrandt: "Who do you suppose they're going to eat first?" Arturo: "I suppose the young are more tender..." Quinn: "No, Age before beauty, it's a universal tenet." Rembrandt: "Don't look at me, I'm just a chicken mcnugget, you're the Quarter Pounder." LAST DAYS Arturo: "As disturbing as this thought may be, Mr. Bennish, you and I are going to be spending a lot of time together." Bennish: "Uh, no way man, I've got a girlfriend." Bennish: "It's all right here. Fat Boy." Arturo: "EXCUSE me!?" Bennish: "The bomb, Fat Boy." Arturo: "The name of the bomb was Fat MAN, you blistering idiot!" Video-Alt-Quinn (ultra enthusiastic): "I'm closing in on an infiltration of the space time continuum. With luck, I may be able to use it to go back to the time of the Allosaurus... maybe even to the beginning of time itself!" Quinn: "Basically, he was heavy into the dinosaurs." Bennish: "We're going to save the world... FAT BOY!" Arturo: "Fat Boy, in case you had any other ideas, is the name of the bomb." EGGHEADS AD: "Wheeties.. Breakfast of Geniuses..." AD: "Nikke... just think it." AD: "Einstein wore khakis... GAP." THE WEAKER SEX Arturo: "What is that?" Quinn: "Cheese." Arturo: "Cheese? That is not cheese... Brie is cheese. Camenbare is cheese. This is yellow plastic." Quinn: "Congradulations, Professor. You just hit on the Mayor." Arturo: "Ouch." Arturo: "Maximillian Arturo, standing for mayor." Woman: (laughing) "You should be ashamed of yourself." Arturo: "IGNORANT BOVINE!" Arturo: "You want me to kiss that baby?" GQJournalist: "You've got to make them like you." Arturo: "Sir! I need to kiss your baby! Sir! Sir! Come back here!" Arturo: "Well, they laughed at Ross Perot." Wade: "They still do." Rembrandt: "Tell me the truth, did you vote for him?" Quinn: (shakes head) Rembrandt: "Me neither." THE KING IS BACK Judge Ito: "Therefore, I sentence you to the maximum sentence. Death, by lethal injection." Passerbys: (giggling) Arturo: "Gentlemen, check your flys." Rembrandt: "Do you know what this means?" Arturo: "Yes, it means you're popular on this world. It means it can't be our Earth." SFNNewsjournalists: "We interrupt `Skippers Island' to bring you this important announcement..." HotelClerk: "A police escort? Be reasonable. Mr. Pavarotti..." Arturo: "I am NOT Mr. Pavarotti. Mr. Pavarotti is an Italian. He talk'a like this. Do I talk'a like this? No. Why? Because I AM AN ENGLISHMAN YOU BLISTERING IDIOT!" LUCK OF THE DRAW DeathCounsellorontheTV: "First you'll go down a long, white tunnel. A relative, perhaps a love from long ago, will be there to guide you." Rembrandt: "My dead relatives were a pain in the ass!" SEASON II INTO THE MYSTIC Arturo: "Given the fradulent nature of this man's claims, I suggest we use a response that harkens back to our childhood. (Scene Shift) Run. Run like hell." LOVE GODS Detective: How did you escape the virus!? Arturo: Well, uh, we... Rembrandt: Took a lot of vitamins? (snickering) Arturo: Every fantasy I've ever had about nurses has been dispelled forever. Rembrandt: My legs are freezing. Wade: I told you, you should have worn the pantyhose. Rembrandt: I can honestly say I never thought anyone would say those words to me. Wade: Who's going to mean more to your handlers back home? A national treasure or an American transvestite and an overweight Englishman? Rembrandt: That is cold. GILLIAN OF THE SPIRITS Arturo: And how does he suppose we get in? Transform ourselves into a crack commando squad? Quinn: Ask him if he's got a better idea. Rembrandt: Can you pick it? <SMASH> Arturo: In a manner of speaking. Rembrandt: So, do you think we're home? Quiin: I don't think so, Rembrandt. I'm pretty sure on our world the mailmen wear clothes. --- Notes: * - There is some dispute as to the exact word said in this quote. Until I get definitive proof (someone with either a copy of the script, or closed-captioning, preferably the former) one way or the other, I'm leaving both possibilities in. Please do not contact me just to tell me 'which you think it is'. If you have a reliable source, feel free.